Gift of Feelings by Paul Tournier
Many long years ago (30) when I was still quite naïve, (or at least ignorant) I married a sweet lovable woman. I was very happy with her but for a few minor (very) flaws that would be oh so simple to correct. I proceeded to make an attempt to help her make those simple changes that so obviously (to me) would make her life better. She cried most of the first year of our marriage and was crushed because she was torn between wanting to both please me and remain herself.
My wise mother-in-law gave me a book to read. I don’t know if the timing was simply fortuitous, because she knew I needed it, or if this was a God thing (or a combination of same).
The book was “The Gift of Feeling” by Paul Tournier and it changed my life, my perspective toward women and in particular toward my wonderful wife. Tournier wrote the book in the ‘70’s and the first page catches your attention. He says that women today have a mission; men have kept them out of public life, kept them in the wings, and built up our western technical society without them - a masculine society built entirely on masculine values and tragically lacking the contribution women could make. Here is another quote attributed to Tournier; “That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life.”
I read quite a few books, but every once in while a book comes along that changes my life. “The Gift of Feeling” was such a book. Sometimes a book will have a huge impact on us and yet when we go back to it years later, find that because we have changed, the book is not as significant now as it was then. Because this book was so significant to me and I have discussed the concepts with many friends and relations over the years; I decided to reread it. I had loaned it out at some point and lost track of it but my wife found a couple of old copies in her junk store ramblings.
My attempts to change my wife were an ill-advised effort to remake her in my image – to make her more like a man. Tournier believes that our Western civilization since the Renaissance has been essentially male; dominated by male values resulting in women being shunted off into the wings. This has caused our entire culture to focus on and value things as opposed to persons - oriented toward the masculine values of power, reason and technology. No one is really comfortable in this world, even men, but women suffer more from this orientation toward things instead of persons.
Women in this past century, to a significant extent, have come out of the wings and have proven that they can compete in a man’s world. We have all heard women quip that “anything a man can do, a woman can do better” and many women have proven that to be true but possibly at the price of being more like men then many men. Whether or not this is true, it appears that Western civilization is still unbalanced in its focus on things as opposed to persons.
More later……
My wise mother-in-law gave me a book to read. I don’t know if the timing was simply fortuitous, because she knew I needed it, or if this was a God thing (or a combination of same).
The book was “The Gift of Feeling” by Paul Tournier and it changed my life, my perspective toward women and in particular toward my wonderful wife. Tournier wrote the book in the ‘70’s and the first page catches your attention. He says that women today have a mission; men have kept them out of public life, kept them in the wings, and built up our western technical society without them - a masculine society built entirely on masculine values and tragically lacking the contribution women could make. Here is another quote attributed to Tournier; “That is what marriage really means: helping one another to reach the full status of being persons, responsible and autonomous beings who do not run away from life.”
I read quite a few books, but every once in while a book comes along that changes my life. “The Gift of Feeling” was such a book. Sometimes a book will have a huge impact on us and yet when we go back to it years later, find that because we have changed, the book is not as significant now as it was then. Because this book was so significant to me and I have discussed the concepts with many friends and relations over the years; I decided to reread it. I had loaned it out at some point and lost track of it but my wife found a couple of old copies in her junk store ramblings.
My attempts to change my wife were an ill-advised effort to remake her in my image – to make her more like a man. Tournier believes that our Western civilization since the Renaissance has been essentially male; dominated by male values resulting in women being shunted off into the wings. This has caused our entire culture to focus on and value things as opposed to persons - oriented toward the masculine values of power, reason and technology. No one is really comfortable in this world, even men, but women suffer more from this orientation toward things instead of persons.
Women in this past century, to a significant extent, have come out of the wings and have proven that they can compete in a man’s world. We have all heard women quip that “anything a man can do, a woman can do better” and many women have proven that to be true but possibly at the price of being more like men then many men. Whether or not this is true, it appears that Western civilization is still unbalanced in its focus on things as opposed to persons.
More later……
Labels: Book
posted by complexspecificity | 6:06 AM
2 Comments:
My husband has taught me that it is all about relationships. He would probably say that I taught him that, I don't know. But my point is simply that we help each other to find our way in the discomfort of this world, and to find what is important. Without his perspective, I would have a skewed approach to many things, but mostly toward interpersonal relationships. I am thankful for the differences in genders. Vive le difference!
Two questions:
What is the mission of women that you alluded to?
And...
Was the book still as good as you remembered? Still life changing?
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